Khullam Khulla #12: Putting the Woman in Charge


The sexpert bypassed this query. What to say – after all, he is in his ‘90s, bechara!

Q: My boyfriend is bored of our sex positions. I need help.

My man does most of the work in bed. He always has. But now that we have been together so long he is started to get bored of taking the lead, he wants me to do my share of taking the lead. We have tried me riding or reverse cowboy many times but they never seem to stimulate either of us. Do you have any suggestions of sex positions where the female has all the control and does all the work?

This is a super-fun question, and an important one too. So many of us ladies have been trained to be passive in bed. Maybe it has to do with thinking that submissive equals sexy or that we’re supposed to be docile (patriarchal gender norms are so counter-productive for sex!) Maybe we simply don’t know what to do.

 So here are a few suggestions for play. Have fun!

(Quick side-note: Your question focuses on sexual positions. But remember that penetrative sex is only a small part of the large world of sexual pleasure! There’s so much that can be done before, after, between, and around the act of penetration.)

Riding: This really can be pleasurable, so if it hasn’t worked for you two so far, try experimenting with angle and height. Tuck a pillow under your boyfriend’s lower back to raise his pelvis, or tuck your heels under his bottom. Or, try sitting in a chair and straddling him – this can feel great. In general, play around with the angle of your hips – the difference between pleasure and “eh” can be a matter of degrees.

 Take a break: In the middle of sex, take a break and perform oral sex. This is a great way of breaking up the rhythm and introducing new sensations. He’ll love that you’re taking the initiative and putting all the focus on him. Go back and forth between oral and penetration to build the pleasure.

 If you really want to “have all the control and do all the work,” invest in a nice pair of handcuffs; a soft ribbon or cloth works well too (it’s important that they be comfortable and not cut into his wrists). With his hands tied above his head, there’s not much your boyfriend can do – it’s all up to you, and I guarantee he’ll find that an amazing turn-on! Then, take it nice and slow. Tease him by exploring his body inch by inch; make him beg you to do more, go faster. Then don’t give in – sometimes less is more.

Be curious, be playful, and take the phrase “boy toy” to heart!